kombucha challenge

day seventeen

so a good friend I work with is in town today.  welcome back to earth (she drinks kombucha occasionally as she is recovering from breast cancer.)  it makes me thankful that she’s a fighting survivor and thankful that this is merely an experiment I’m struggling to execute. she did however, indulge my kombucha interest and personal challenge as well as introduce me to what may become “challenge phase II”.  its called marine plasma something, pmh for short or something like that, I gotta get more info on it. 

check out that vile it comes in!!! you literally snap one end of the glass vile and swish it around your mouth (she says it tastes like salt water “the ocean”) it’s supposed to replace a bunch of base minerals that are difficult to get naturally and is way better than a pill form of magnesium and other stuff I can’t remember. did I mention it’s german, german design, german research!  that totally means I need to clear out our furniture, get all Bauhaus and go minimal to prepare for phase II!  (don’t worry shauna, the furniture’s not going anywhere. im just saying, its like I should do that stuff.)

 

so my diet for today goes as follows…

breakfast:  branch and twig cereal (just kidding, it does taste good. kasha-go lean, you should try it. pardon the endorsement.) and my daily dose of bacon.

lunch:  I treated myself to fajitas with the boys!  I ate lunch outside of 543 with a friend and mr john hauser (sue, he’s the director of stores, head hauncho and shit. really nice guy.)  I also had a full bottle of traditional kombucha.  couldn’t strain it, cause I was “in the field” doing  my research today and I didn’t have my “tools” to do so.  anyways, today only had one really bad floater that looked too much like throat phlegm so I had to pull it out. [now, shauna tells me Erika claims the “strands” of culture are the best part or what will really heal me.  first of all, the guava has “strands” that look like pickeled scabs and the traditional is full of throat phlegm and the green is full of river sludge so, no matter how you cut it, im not drinking that foul shit!  the green one is the only one that’s not that bad. I can probably stomach drinking the whole thing.  Erika, I’ll meet you a little less than half way, okay? that’s all I have to say about that – end tangent.]

afternoon snack:  dollar soft pretzel from jharoka w/ yellow cheese (I know, bad choice), water and…. a friend gifted me their left over pretzel and hummus (I had to eat it, it would be rude to refuse.)

dinner:  hasn’t even crossed my mind.

 

in closing, we are trekking to maine this weekend so I am going to try everything I can to keep up the experiment while I am gone.  I’ll write if I get the chance.

[note to self, do some research on that pmh stuff.]

day sixteen

yesterday was crazy busy for me so I didn’t get a chance to write. the macguyver-style strainer worked wonders on my guava flavored bottle.  one major chunk was successfully avoided!  here’s the photo I forgot to send the other day.

my tuesday diet went like this…

breakfast:  fruit cup and a side of bacon (oh how ive missed you for a day or so), 16ozs of coffee.

lunch:  chicken salad sandwich with cheese and lettuce and my daily dose of 16oz guava kombucha.  I had to literally chug it because john hauser, krissy [coworker] and I went for a hearty bike ride.  we rode past the river and down to where  the m night shamalama made that movie thing.  [note to self, don’t chug kombucha before a bike ride.  my stomach felt like I drank coke and pop rocks!]

dinner: home made chicken noodle soup and salad.

 

tuesday was busy but a good day.  still no marked affects or cures to any physical or mental part of myself. I did figure out that ive drank 1.1875 gallons of kombucha! that’s more than a milk jug – something should be happening by now!  im really starting to think some hippie in Beverly hills is getting rich off selling me his flavored bath water claiming it’s gonna solve all my problems.  this is bullshit! but, I drink on…

day thirteen / day fourteen / day fifteen

preface:  this one’s a doosy, get comfortable…

 

to recap days 13 (sat) & 14 (sun), this weekend, I had to buy my kombucha from wegmans in jersey cause jharoka was closed by the time I thought about it friday.  I purchased grape and by far, it has been the best tasting flavor yet.  I did, however, have to strain out the chunks.  the floaters in this bottle were obscenely large and impossible to look at.

my diet for this weekend goes as follows...

saturday:

breakfast – 12oz coffee, scrambled eggs w/ onions/peppers/fresh garlic/pepperoni/cheese.  lunch – cheese steak (not very kombucha-y) dinner – “baked potato” soup and a bacon turkey bravo sandwich from panera and 8oz grape flavored kombucha.  midnight snack – salt-n-peppa popcorn.  overall daily water consumption – 20ozs. 

sunday: 

breakfast – egg/sausage/cheese on english muffin, 12oz coffee. lunch – (2) tuna fish sandwiches (shauna was not at home, I didn’t want the second sandwich to go to waste), 8oz grape flavored kombucha.  dinner -  home made pepperoni pizza and iced tea.  saturday and sunday done and still no signs of marked changes in my life. 

 

back to the present, today, kombucha challenge day 15.  I’ve made the decision to increase my dose to a full bottle each day.  screw the jharoka food nutritionist! what does she know? she still in school!  so, in other words, I drank one full bottle of traditional flavored kombucha.  now for the BEST part of the challenge thus far…  the floaters are starting to creep me out so, I macgyver-style made a strainer out of a coffee cup (see photo below).  it totally worked and I drank the entire bottle without stress of chewing on a “strand of the culture”.

 

my diet for today goes like this…

breakfast – 16oz coffee, fruit cup and here’s a huge change… cereal.  I had something called kashi golean. I was about to have pops but went for the “kombucha-y” cereal choice.  it was really good and was full of fiber and other good for you stuff.  lunch – composed salad (included chick peas, black eyed peas, olives, shrimp, leafy stuff, tomatoes, onions(I think), leeks(?)… that’s probably all I can remember and guess was in there.  I also had half a pita, 1 full bottle of traditional flavored kombucha and a bag of bbq chips. afternoon snack – strawberry milkshake (damn you john hauser!) shortly after drinking the milkshake, I rode my bike down to B611 and back really hard and fast to counteract the shake.  dinner – I might cook chicken with rice and some sort of veggie, who knows right now.

 

finally, by upping my dosage, I am beginning to increase my chances for success or increase my chances for liver failure.  one thing’s for sure, im starting to eat food that is way better for me.  although, that’s a result of this challenge and not the kombucha it self.  in closing, you suck kombucha!

 

day twelve

this is my new life mantra… do not mix sushi with kombucha.  not a good idea.  really, I should have known going into it that the two just don’t taste good together.  so I had a brown rice California roll from the cafeteria and it was delicious until I paired it with the green kombucha.  I had to keep telling myself “everything is going to be ok…” and “keep drinking it will all be over in a little bit.”

 

diet for today… breakfast: coffee (1 full carafe), fruit cup w/ a side of bacon (oooooh its so delicious, even if I was diagnosed with some bacon causing disease and all the doctors said I would die if I didn’t stop eating bacon, I would still eat more bacon.) lunch: sushi (shoulda listened to myself yesterday, im so fucking hungry as I write this), 1  bag of jalepeno potato chips (also not a good combination with sushi and kombucha) and my daily allowance of 8oz kombucha.  dinner:  somewhere out cause our fridge is getting bare.

 

all in all, im convinced this stuff is going to start working. I talk about it to just about anybody who’ll listen.  today, I convinced one of the girls in my group that she needed to start drinking kombucha (she had half a bottle of kombucha).  I kind of felt like a little kombucha cult leader. maybe the more people I get involved, the more chance at seeing some results. im about to go over to jharoka to buy my weekend bottle so I can stay medicated saturday and sunday.  I’ll let you know how the weekend goes…

-stephen

 

ps. yup, 1 predicted my pregnant coworker is having a boy – I made a note that I think another positive aspect of kombucha is psychic abilities.  

 

day eleven

to start off, let me rewind to last night… after a dinner of quick tacos, I shortly thereafter helped myself to our entire stock of leftover cooked (but cold) bacon in the fridge.  not a good idea.  oh don’t get me wrong, it tasted o-so-good (sort of like day 2 cold pizza) but, gave me short lived but righteous indigestion.  the rest of the evening involved a pot of coffee and (2) NoDoze to keep the wheels of “personal industry” turning till 1:30am.  four hours of sleep later, I woke up this morning reluctant but willing to kick ass today. and, I have got to say I’ve been doing just that.  you all witnessed the early morning, heated intellectual exchange with the feisty ms. pickrel, I single handedly established that my pregnant coworker is having a boy (she’s attending her sonogram appt tomorrow morning to confirm), fixed a few emergency work crises like a genius and followed it all with a hearty bike ride. (perhaps this wonder drink is working after all! –jury’s still out.)

 

my diet today has so far consisted of… breakfast: coffee(lets just say, several cups), a fruit cup, and… yes, you guessed it, a side of bacon (I eat entirely too much bacon, im starting to realize). lunch:  please see the photo attached below, notice the intense look of excitement for my 12:30 dose of elixir.  per shauna’s suggestion to get  “the most ‘kombucha-y’ lunch you can think of” I decided to go with the composed salad selection at the cafeteria. it consisted of bean salad, some noodle concoction and pita w/hummus.  it was a little difficult to stomach at first (me and veggies don’t see eye to eye) but, in the end, it was quite enjoyable and surprisingly filling.  [tangent – I had sushi the other week for lunch, I never feel full after eating sushi so, thank you composed salad for making me happy.] also for lunch, I finished off the last 8ozs of traditional flavored kombucha. afternoon snack:  multi-v vitamin water and an organic box of crackers (think fancy ritz). dinner:  who knows? but, water will be on tap cause im behind on my quota for today.

 

to wrap things up, still no obvious, trackable cures or remedies as of yet.   I am trying not to be disappointed in the lack of miracles besides, this may just end up to be an exercise in realizing I’ve already got it good. anyhow, I’m still going to continue the experiment through next week, at least,  before I give myself “shimmering chestnut locks” and throw in the towel of shameful defeat. 

  

day ten

today I tried the “traditional” flavor which I assume “traditional” is a relative term used in this case, in comparison to the other kombucha flavors.  it really tastes like day old cheap champaign with what looks like brown gelatin pieces floating like a special .  overall, I feel really good today, full of energy and in good spirits. on the flip side, I don’t usually feel any worse so, it’s difficult to pin that on the kombucha.  I did however develop a curious eye twitch this morning that has come back this afternoon in a really annoying way.  maybe it could be caused by the kombucha?  if so, “you suck, kombucha!”  if not, “you suck, eye!” 

 

here’s my diet for today (I never learn).  breakfast:  16ozs coffee, a few bites of peanut butter/strawberry jelly on toast, side of bacon, fruit cup. lunch:  a big ass cheeseburger w/swiss cheese/bacon/fried onions/raw baby spinach, curly fries and 8ozs “traditional” kombucha. afternoon snack:  I was good, only multi-v vitamin water. dinner(?):  probably something with bacon cause its in the fridge and its about to go bad.

 

overall, still no obvious affects from the kombucha.  I’ll continue this for one more week. if I don’t feel like I’m fourteen years old or my grey hairs don’t durn black by next friday, im quittin this bogus shit!  im starting to feel like the internet’s a liar! how many more of these “journal” entries can I write without any awesome results to report? not many, I’m gonna get bored. I suppose, if no results by next friday, I could always drink a shit ton of kombucha each day risking overdose.  that might make for some interesting facts to document.  I just want to be able to make a graph or pie chart*, is that too much to ask?

-stephen

 

*foot note – think “young poisoner’s handbook”. only, this is kind of a self inflicted experiment. [sigh.]

day nine

ok, so i am working on the increased water regiment along with my regular consumption of kombucha.  last night, I managed to drink aprox 32oz of water.  today so far, Ive put down one 23.7 fl oz bottle of water from starbucks.  I had my 8oz dosage of multi-green kombucha with my lunch which, by the way, I recommend chasing hearty swigs of kombucha with big bites of jalapeno pizza.  the heat of the peppers deadens the taste buds. today, I have to admit, the jittery feeling was considerably less noticeable.

 

my diet for today is a bit discouraging (as I type this out, its really apparent how crappy I eat).  breakfast: 30 ozs coffee, 1 frosted bananna nut cupcake (shauna made them the other night – to die for), 1 turkey sausage/egg/cheese on english muffin sandwich and the 23.7 oz water.  lunch:  2 slices jalepeno/hamburger pizza, 8ozs multi-green kombucha, 1 slice raspberry/chocolate cake (I didn’t eat the whole thing).  3pm snack:  1 peanut butter rice crispy treat from jharoka (damn you john hauser, I cant stop myself when you offer me free afternoon snacks!) tonight’s goal:  48 additional ounces of water.

note to self:  drink more water and eat less crap.

 

overall, I’d say I havent noticed any difference from the kombucha yet (aside from the full belly/jittery feeling).  I did make an observation about the three different flavor options.  two are made by GT’s organic raw kombucha  while the other guava flavor (forgot the name) is made by another company.  the guava contains obvious “chunks” of left over kombucha pancake culture where as the other two GT’s flavors could be described as “cloudy”.  the lack of heavy chunks definitely made yesterday and today easier to stomach.  tomorrow, I plan to try the third flavor “traditional”.  we’ll see how it goes.  

day eight

ok, so I was away from the office [where I acquire my supply of kombucha] and since the girl from jharoka showed great concern about the volume of kombucha I’ve been drinking each day, this is the first day ive had any tea since last thursday.  after another consultation with her this morning (she seems to think she’s my new food nutritionist), ive decided to cut back my daily value to 8ozs/day and continue dosing everyday. 

 

today I tried the “multi-green” flavor.  first of all, contrary to how erin described it, multi-green does not taste like pond scum. however, it also does not taste like apples and celery like the girl from jharoka described.  it really tastes like fermented water mixed with river silt which I suppose could be mistaken for pond scum.  anyways, I still felt the mild jittery feeling but it wasn’t as intense (I hypothesize its because I only drank half the bottle). perhaps I should increase my water intake from my current zero to the suggested “half my body weight in ozs” per day like the websites say.  

 

no signs of significant health improvements yet.  my diet today has consisted of  coffee, a fruit cup and a side of bacon for breakfast and one slice of hamburger/jalepeno pizza and 8ozs of kombucha for lunch + bbq potato chips as a snack.  this afternoon, I plan to ride a UO cruiser bike around campus.

day seven

day six